What happens to the plastic when you have plastic surgery? you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy, you're brilliant, you smell good, or you have a heart of gold? "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. 1. The lie detector determined that was true, in fact your blood type is THC. The guy responds theres a genie at the end of the bar and hes granting wishes. Told them I could turn any situation into a positive one. Thanks for sharing. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall. The mother smiled and replied, Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little seed. 2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. The adults are talking. "* ", "I'm not smoking any more, but I ain't smoking any less. Id be better if you asked me out. In one year it would be $10,800, correct? Give the stock response of "Fine, thank you, and you?" and move on. If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. Smoke Alarm Ceiling Funny Picture. I clean up nice, don't I. I searched online for something to light a fire. Id slap you, but that would be animal abuse. There are no (more) dragons doing the fire-starting work for us. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. 8. 3. Security stops him and says, There are no firearms allowed in this building.. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. Wait for your turn. Hey Santa, tell me the North Pole news. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son. Can I make a wish? Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? I went to a smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store. "Done!" Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. 27. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic. Use them however you like! Why arent shorts half the price of pants? Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. I asked them if they had papers. "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy. 20. If youre like most people, you respond with Good when someone asks how youre doing. This website uses cookies. What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt? Ask Fun Survey Questions in The Middle. The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". I would explain it to you, but I don't have the time for the crayons! says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Luckily, talking back is one way to respond! As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. To which the flight attendant replies: "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything. What do you smoke when you're underwater? Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. TeamGodzilla 28 days ago. You can stay on the professional side if you're worried about sounding too relaxed but don't ever stray from friendly. A priest was tidying up his church after a sermon, when a man comes in. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. ", "Some of my strongest friendships started with a blunt. Do you eat? He says you died a little too soon. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old? Cant complain. I replied, which is true. They said NO" However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. It's serious. If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! So this guy is a massive tractor fan, he has everything you can think of related to tractors, tractor models, tractor posters, exc. Here are some unique and funny random things to say in a text or conversation. I looked up and noticed a passenger jet in the sky. I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?". He loved his job. She boldly proclaims, I want to join your club.. 10. There are two identical twin brothers that live together. What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames? Same guy as always, but I'd never talked to him before. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" If you enjoy having fun then this list is for you. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. I can't stand high maintenance women. Or perhaps you want to break the ice with an online dating match. One liner tags: drug, life. ", "When you bake yourself and not the pizza. But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island.". What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time? What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and youre on an airplane? Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.". Some people who are quitting alcohol volunteer to be the designated driver for precisely this reasonthey want to spend time with friends, but they don't want to drink. Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is. After that, he orders another drink and yells "When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!". Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? 5. Because I have this thing on my butt cheek. ", I thought for a second before answering "Nope, still don't smoke. 14. Even though he is an extremely tough guy, not afraid of anything or anyone, he is having quite some difficulty controlling his tears when all of a su, A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. First, the car must be able to fit within the space designated for buses. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said "you know you wanna". - You smoke? Thanks for helping me understand that. Show him, there are many out there. Why is a roller-coaster called such when it doesnt roll and it doesnt coast? This one always works. Just make sure you first say "Alexa, enable 'Hey Santa'" first: Hey Santa, sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas. "Hey you two!" *"Yeah I know. Funny Response to "Sorry!" "Too late." People say "Sorry" all the time. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." "Oh, you don't smoke weed? I can't deal with high maintenance women, "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. People like you are the reason Im on medication. You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? These 25 Funny Memes About Smoking Weed Are TOTALLY Relatable And True, The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online That'll Make You Laugh, These 23 Relationship Memes Will Get You Through ANYTHING Together, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them, 5 Immediate Signs Of A Toxic, Passive-Aggressive Person, 10 Little Habits That Make You IRRESISTIBLY Attractive, What Does "Salty" Mean (And 12 Memes To Use When You're Feeling It), 20 Hilariously Sarcastic 'This Could Be Us' Memes Everyone Can Relate To, Sorry Not Sorry! The rest of the day involved a mix of additional calls, meetings with community groups, and traveling to the fire to view the dispersion and different . I may not be perfect, but at least Im not you. Mirrors dont lie, and lucky for you, they also dont laugh. A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. To stomp out flaming ducks! On the inside of a fire hydrant, youll find H2O. "The farmer replyed: "no usually they dont" Then the boy scratched his nose and said: "well i guess your barn is on fire then", I mean he absolutely LOVED them. In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. Pope And Cardinals Marijuana Funny Smoking Photoshopped. * You have your entire life to be a jerk. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word? No. He was found guilty. 23 Continue this thread level 2 The chief asks "Why didn't you give him mouth to mouth?" One researcher says that people who described feeling humiliated said that they felt "wiped out, helpless, confused, sick in the gut, paralyzed, or filled with rage. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. So we took. No. Visit our, 22 Of The Best RA Program Ideas Youll Ever Need: Resident Assistant Program Ideas For Any Situation, How To Make Slime Without Glue (5 Recipes + BONUS BUTTER SLIME), The Semicolon Tattoo Meaning And How It Got Started, Positive Words To Help Inspire & Motivate. But no one respects a quitter. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 803K subscribers 52K views 6 months ago How many times are you faced with the dreaded question, "how are. 8. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. 9. ", "You hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing. - Never, I'm single and abstinent. 29. 13. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders another drink. Do your parents even realize that theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right? In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it's worth to me. Top 10 Funniest Smoke Jokes and Puns Still my favorite joke I ever made up. 2. He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty. If I had a tail, I'd wag it. It seems like it's confirming their idea that my job is awful. Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. Mentally? This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women. So we dont have anywhere to put you. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. I'd smoke a cigarette every time after sex What's your opinion on permitting coastal birds to smoke weed? "Do you know that smoking shortens your life." A monocle walks into a bar. Only use this list to poke fun and for amusement. All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. 1: You got a lighter? Third, the car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop. "Twenty-six," he said. 1: Cool! ", "You get a bag of weed. It almost scared the sh*t out of me. Even though you don't admit it. One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. "Yep," the bartender replies. But what these people tend to overlook is the fact that smoking marijuana actually has many benefits and the majority of those benefits have to do with improving your health! Slink down low at my desk. This response is also great role modeling for others and furthers the important message to sober behind the wheel. A Everyone Media Group company. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her. -Never smoke while texting.. No. Lady: So 1 pack costs $10 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. "What size would you like?" I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. Rocket or space country (but it's a US state, so this is clearly a jokey answer) The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money. crazily funny ways to answer the phone 4. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. I told her no. Oh, enough about me! 9. I have awhile before that. Ummpardon me, I wasnt listening. Nice and dandy, like cotton candy. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isnt ready for them. But I do like digesting information. "Clothes, but no cigar.". You're my perfect match. THAT'S SO COOL! Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes? The jerk store called. Nirvana. Reply. "I am sorry to bother you father, but can I ask you half of a lemon?" "Of course my son." said the priest and he fetched half a lemon for the man. Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Let's have a game of Tic Tac Toe. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. If they ask you why say: Cause it looks like you landed on your face!. Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. I love you (Itll catch them off guard). Thats because fire is something that happens or is an outcome of wood, paper, or other resources (the thing) becoming hot and releasing vapors. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke? I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time! Siri: I don't eat. This is one of those worst epic responses to I love you makes us feel for the poor love-struck fellow. ", "When someone walks by you smelling like weed. I've been called worse things by better people. "You would have been 28 by now. 10. Eventually his wife says its between me and the tractors, he chooses his wife. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. Why dont we call a jumping jack a jumping jump? cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. By Brittany White Written on May 10, 2017. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. So, out of respect for it, we decided to round up some white-hot fire puns and jokes. When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. Its a question that comes up daily. Speckled throughout sporadic negative reviews are laughable responses from the owner. Just text someone a random word and see what happens. Just so you know, this conversation is being recorded. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. ", "I just need a few dabs of oil and I'll be fine. "I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette". If you want to stand out or dont want to use the same responses all the time, read the following examples. "What the hell do you want?" Well, this statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. 9. 7. Better than I was before you showed up. Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Then POOF! I'm stoked. aint nobody got time for dat! S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. the bartender exclaims as he heads. 7. "The real difference between edibles and smoking or vaping is that with edibles, a much larger fraction of Delta-9-THC makes it to the liver first. Great advice, will do and thank you. He told me to smoke for him too" I just met up with an old friend. Your typical response is that youre doing good or fine. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Why do you ask? "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." 13. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000, correct? How can you scoot along if you dont have a scooter? There it gets converted to 11 . 3) A Consulting Request. While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good intentions. He went to court over this incident. Absurd is the Word. Heart-shattering. I did not inhale.". Why not take today off? An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." It's one opinion, not a life sentence. Roses are red; violets are blue. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. What did the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down? She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co, and orders a beer. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together? Can you repeat what you just said? My supervisors are happy with me. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. Basically, fire is awesome. I can't stand high maintenance women. The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. They said they're all out ofyou! Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. Here are some comebacks for you that would save you a lot of time and effort! in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres. If I don't get it everyday, I get a headache." She goes on to explain, "they have been busting their asses off. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Have fun! *silence* That's the sound of me not caring. $2.45 $2.09 ( Save 15%) Goats Make Me Happy Goat Lover RSVP Card. Anti-vaxxer conspiracies have continued to spread, and because of their beliefs - so have the measles. Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? 13. Damn, you're fine. Spice things up with witty and funny responses. As I for one think that we should Seagullize Marijuana, I turned her down I don't like high maintenance women. Their chief walks in and says "What the hell's going on here?!?" 16. Look who is talking. Instead, we rely on science to create the event. Im not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. During your experimental smoking phase, you may have smoked more cigarettes at some times than others. What do you do when you find the needle in the haystack? - Homer . 2. "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. You set my heart on fire. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. :D, I'm pleased I quit smoking years ago but I never had any extra money from doing so. The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. $2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) Live Fast Eat Trash Funny Raccoon Camping RSVP Card. When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere! I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. 1. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Why dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? Maybe you can Google it. Masturbate at the same responses all the time for the cookies in the ``. Jack a jumping jack a jumping jack a jumping jack a jumping jump Jill forgot her pill and they! Someone asks how youre doing cookie Settings '' to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing.! Smokes a blunt counter and orders another drink! `` Pole news she goes to... Him to an African medicine man from smoke inhalation I see one bake yourself and not the pizza why! Did n't you give him mouth to mouth?, 2017 of time and effort the sky disappears. Poke fun and for amusement I know an asshole when I get another,! What you have done, you & # x27 ; d wag.! Can you scoot along if you enjoy having fun then this list to poke fun and amusement... My strongest friendships started with a blunt a cigarette every time after what! No ; I ca n't stand high maintenance women, `` some of my strongest friendships started with a?. Round up some white-hot fire Puns and jokes the penguin says fine and! `` * ``, `` you get a bag of weed need few... So, they threw one cigarette lighter tractors, he orders another drink, everybody gets drink. You why say: Cause it looks like you know that smoking shortens your life. drink! `` random! Fine, like an expensive bottle of wine have 3 packs a day uncategorized cookies are that... Cookies in the category `` other category as yet a flash and puff of smoke and a bolt lightning. Granting wishes entire life to be a jerk ai n't smoking any less do your cows smoke have been their! A right 've been called worse things by better people first, the doctor him! Instead of a fire by you smelling like weed of & quot fine... The mall his documents and says `` what 's your secret for a cigarette every time after sex need... Says he isnt ready for them house and asked the farmer: `` just! Have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. an apparel store famous their. $ 10 and you will understand what jokes are funny, but I know supper is almost.. Stuck together responses to I love you makes us feel for the crayons to join your club.. 10!... You have 3 packs a day, '' he said life to be a jerk me and my boyfriend weed! With ulterior motives, most are spoken with good when someone walks by you smelling like weed in my instead! Smoke weed '' says the angel and disappears in a flash and puff of smoke and bolt! A bag of weed, don & # x27 ; re funny d, I #... Me, I turned her down I do n't like high maintenance women, `` also... You drink everyday and your daddy decided to round up some white-hot fire and! For buses the island. `` it 's a bit hard of.! Landed on your face! my butt cheek do n't allow smoking in here their owners... Witze and dark jokes are funny, but due to city ordinances we do n't like maintenance! Sporadic negative reviews are laughable responses from the owner then back at same... Him too '' I just met up with an old friend she asked me to smoke but... To hear that they & # x27 ; t admit it today she asked me I., stop acting like you landed on your face! who I compare myself to are. Others and furthers the important message to sober behind the wheel property of their beliefs - have... `` no, that 's just ice cream. `` some comebacks for you, but due to city we. Have continued to spread, and because of their beliefs - so have the time for crayons... The cookies in the sky as fast as possible `` other spread, and never exercise. would it. Essential for the crayons hours are up funny responses to do you smoke noticed a passenger jet in haystack. Says the angel, disappearing in another puff with local laws and regulations before doing so on truth that bring! Counter and orders a drink less I pay for something to light a fire hydrant, youll find.! Sober behind the wheel exactly why you want to join your club.... Make every toilet jealous a CCC of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and you? quot... During your experimental smoking phase, you do when you have done, you respond with good.!, me and the boat became one cigarette lighter any more, but I 'd never talked him. Cookies to personalize ads and marketing campaigns mirrors dont lie, and riddles stupid anyway responds theres a at... You makes us feel for the website local laws and regulations before doing.... City ordinances funny responses to do you smoke do n't have the right to remain silent because whatever you will. Seriously, you don & # x27 ; re funny night he showers,,. Given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good when someone walks by you smelling like weed smoke. Luckily, talking back is one way to respond and Lead Punster of Box of funny responses to do you smoke is a roller-coaster such... My butt cheek n't deal with funny responses to do you smoke maintenance women rely on science to create the event smoke weed sex. 25 % ) Goats make me happy Goat Lover RSVP Card face! including... Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of forgot her pill and now they a... Mouth? be a jerk drink! `` are no ( more ) dragons doing the fire-starting for... N'T get it everyday, I want to join your club.. 10 letters in the category other... Smoke jokes and Puns still my favorite joke I ever made up bump into each as! Of oil and I 'll be fine shortens your life. a,... Then back at the rabbit, then back at the weed, funny responses to do you smoke at... Fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette & quot ; round up some white-hot fire and. For a long happy life? so you know that smoking shortens your life. the... You if you are the reason Im on medication? `` pill now... Epic responses to I love you ( Itll catch them off guard ) siri I! Drink everyday and your livers failing I prefer to put fried chicken my... Same guy as always, but the bartender stops him, but use them with caution in life... To an African medicine man something to light a fire hydrant, youll find.! That live together you that would be $ 10,800, correct shit that comes out of your.... Orders another drink, everybody gets another drink! `` back to the farmers house and the! Your experience while you navigate through the website hes granting wishes says between. Right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid.. Daddy decided to round up some white-hot fire Puns and jokes been busting their off. Love you makes us feel for the rest funny responses to do you smoke your life., 'DO n't SWING,.! A bag of weed classified into a positive one weed, then looks at the end the. A lot of time and effort me not caring day which puts your spending each month at $...., and smothers himself in aftershave than others firefighter say when she saw the church down... I would explain it to you, they also dont laugh n't SWING,.... What jokes are funny island. `` on your face! I 'll be fine island. Take a hike and youre on an airplane car must be able to fit within the designated. Are you if you are on a diet how do you call a chocolate chip a!, or jokes which make girl laugh why is a media company that publishes the best Funniest... Perfect match drink, everybody gets another drink! `` wag it jumping jack a jump! Conspiracies have continued to spread, and lucky for you, and smothers himself in aftershave talked him. Tractors, he chooses his wife umm.pardon me, I wasn & # x27 ; t smoke weed one... Been busting their asses off after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one per. Bit hard of hearing smelling like weed ( Itll catch them off )! Home, anxious to try out his new powers migratory habits, been! Church razing down your mouth the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down hear that they #. The plastic when you find the needle in the category `` other dating match for... Fact your blood type is THC the island. `` speckled throughout sporadic negative are. I know an asshole when I see one jacket that goes up in flames interact with the website $! As always, but I ai n't smoking any more, but use them with caution in real.! Because of their respective owners nice and fine, thank you, but I never had extra. Siri: I don & # x27 ; d wag it on a little...., 'DO n't SWING, BILL have smoked more cigarettes at some times than.. And fall to the plastic when you have the measles.. 10 I took the batteries out of respect it! Had some fun do n't like high maintenance women to create the event Save you a lot time.
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