One of the blessings that Allaah bestows upon some spouses is If she is married, then such a It just means hes human.It is very important that you understand this. Wel then his only after one thing isnt he He did it with a good heart, so keep ur shirts on if it happens to be wat u dnt wanna hear. She said she never saw it coming because. subhan ALLAH. World female population is more than male population In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. If you fear that you can not do justice to an orphan (if you marry her), marry another woman who is lawful for you to marry, (whether) two, three or four . (Verse 4: 3). Wife is a comforter, a caretaker, an adviser, and the guardian of the property of her husband in his absence. For instance, if the second marriage is likely to upset the first marriage and the family structure already established, then a second marriage should be avoided, as it undermines the very purpose of the Islamic rules of marriage. Jazakum Allah khayran. May God help you in your situation ameen. If I found out my husband was thinking about other women I would divorce him straight away. They are rather contradicting statements. Allah is watching and the almighty will give you strength and courage. I have 5 years old boy child. good care of her. There sure is a lot of cherry picking about in the world in all sorts of areas of Islam, not just in relationships. Everyone is touched by time, but who he is inside is what matters. He explained that no matter what he will try his best, but if he ends up finding a 2nd wife he mentioned that he would never leave me and take on the responsibilities as a husband and father and never leave my side.i am just so dumbfounded about all this, i know that forever is long.i just dont know what to think of iti am glad i read your post though, it has got me thinking, but i am still in the clouds about iti am a christian, and i dont know whether i should stay in this relationship or just call it quits..i do love him with all my heart, i am just a bit hesitant on the other 2nd person if ever that comes to pass, he said he will try his best, but what if it does happen, is the question. his family told him to do second marriage. Salaam If you're loyal to your husband, than rest assured he'll be loyal to you. Here are the hadith that explain this, O youth, who among you who have baah then should he marry (Narrated by al-Bukhari), 9. Actually its haram for a man to get married more than once without the permission of his first wife. I prayed a lot the day before and asked Allah to help me. That is between you and Allah. patient and the doers of good. Sincerely, this was an eye opener. You sir are correct issue at hand is that most people here are A. Dont keep threatening him with words, you need to show you mean it and do it. i hope this may reply to most of the posted comments regarding husband to have more than one wife. As salaam alaikum, But there are certain aspects of that needs addressing. After all my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the idea. Suppose if a wealthy man marries two woman. Men who do polygamy should be wiser in the face of jealousy of their wives. But if he does not do it purposely then he wont get sins. Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It should not be a form of abuse. Source : islamiclearningmaterials.com, Hi, Nice article. My husband and I are both Catholic, he converted to the faith fairly recently. For the women here, i want to say that most of the times human never foresees the results of allahs commandments. If you are worried about not being able to do justice both inwardly and materially. Not fair! Because I love him too much but he loves the 2 nd wife only. For me it is so repulsive to imagine my beloved husband having another woman, making love to her and then the next day coming to me and making love to me. For shame! full, without reckoning The purpose behind marriage was to provide shelter and financial support to widows and victims. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish me this time around. Polygamy, Not My Problem- A Muslim Woman. Its simple. Totally agree with this..every single detail by sister Kay, This is how I feel,and how every women feels,thank you for writing it so clearly,I would never stay with my husband if he took a second wife,neve ever in a million years,i would rather live alone, That is the problem you cant live a million,youre doomed and my advice to you is to fear Allah and the last day ,the day your feelings will not be considered. But communicating your intentions this way is better (in my opinion) than getting jealous over a man thinking of other women because those thoughts do come back to you if you make him aware of potential competition, especially if he feels like your a good woman for him. Assalamu alaikum The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.Im not talking about infidelity. of Abu Saeed and Abu Hurayrah. Wish we could all just treat each other with respect and be honest/sincere with each other, instead of playing games and lying. I want to marry and be in halal relationship but looks like men only looking for friendship with benefits. I dont understand when good women devote themselves to their husbands and yet men want 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wives in some cases? I like your comment sister and I agree 100%, For those muslimah who are not happy about the content, please remember the topic is 7 Things Your Muslim Husband Wont Tell You. Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy. So really, #4 about him thinking of other women is not bad, that is his right. Why should a nice type Muslim sister be patient when her husband is verbally or even physically abusive, emotionally distant, selfish, childish an narcisstic? If you man is not sexually satisfied by you and he is out for bread-winning, he may fall into something else, and it may eventually lead to be a greater disaster than Sex without feelings/Not wanting to. yeah sure , hell like that. Am I not good enough? Good morning Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid. Muslim men like this sandwich maker wont understand what we women feel and how hurtful it is, Im a Muslim wife and I am telling you this from my experience , dear Paula save ur soul and leav this man and the ideology which branding women as mere brainless machines. Dont bother asking any men. well said KAY i totally agree with you. The Truth is, one who does an atoms weight of evil,will see it. He told me the coworker was jealous because I liked him. I hardly ever hear any good. Jazakumullahi Khairan. It doesnt mean hes fantasizing about another woman. I hope that shed some light on the issue for you all. For crying out loud! You cannot say Im a muslim but I dont agree to polygamy. This is a clause usually ignored or taken lightly by many men, depriving women the rights Allah Almighty has granted. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth. I will practice , When I get Maried.. Insha Allah , oh god, it was scary reading this and realizing theres an entire culture of people that think this way and live this way. Alhamduliallh. I agree with Kay and I am a muslim Man. do that which causes harmony to grow in the family and ward off disputes and Unwanted sex! How many muslim men have actually married more than 1 wife around you? that is part of a mans nature, whether he is Muslim or not. Fee amanillah. Where is their father? I asked, Cant he take care of his own kids? Islam even make a wife to ask for permission from her husband if she wants to fast (not Ramadhan fasting). U just mention everything from men side but ll these important for a woman as well. Does everyone here agree with #4? I have updated the question to add this generality. I really understand what all of our sisters are saying and I know they feel hurt but please be careful what you say against what Allah is saying if I was you I would recite my KALIMAH again as some statement u made might have taken u out the fold of islam. assalam alaikum I need to correct you , you cannot say you disagree with something because it doesnt suit you or you dont like it; Here is an explanation of one verse of the Quran. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. As for men cam think of other woman?? doing something that is haraam, so how can he pray istikhaarah and claim Perhaps hes not the best Muslim in the world.You can nudge him to make him better. I have to stay with my parents. arguments arise amongst them, which turn the marital relationship into an wslm so true,lol you cant change a man if he doesnt want too change.And why be a sucker for punishment when you know there is someone out there that will appriciate you for who u are. refrained from establishing a haraam relationship even though there is a Al-Tirmidhi (2399) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the No one should have to have sex if they dont want to! The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life. i) If he feels that his sexual desires may lead him to sins(sex out of marriage and all the things that come with it). Tip Of The Week Safeguard Your Home From Shaytaan. How many of us men are amirs or princes living a lavish lifestyle. All men are different and do expect different things, same goes for women, marriage is about communicating, you are not just two people that meet in day to have sex and thats it, where is the communication, find out what YOUR husband wants and not what this idiot wants. I cannot stress that enough- a mans mind is what matters. disobeying Allaah or going against His commands, this is a sin for which he There are even Hadiths that say that it would destroy the marriage if the woman took the role of the man and vice versa. and first of all if a man is thinking about another woman other than his wife he is already committing a sin and marrying another woman without the consent of his wife he will commit a bigger sin regardless anything. My above statement was based on what I have understood from the article. It is tge complete right of a woman if she doesnt want to live with his husband afterwards. my husband is never happy, he will open mouth to criticize, if salt was less, or it tested bland. He is weak in Taqwa. Polygamy can be of two types. Expected for men who make a second marriage. Insha Allah I will find a lovely lady soon enough who will be a means of light within my life and for whom I will be of great comfort. MY FELLOW MUSLIMAHLETS GET CLOSE TO ALLAHSO WE CAN GET OUR HUSBANDS TO BE CLOSE TO US..INSHA ALLAH.. Im in agreement with the comments however one thing i feel is never addressed is what if the husband does not fulfill his basic duties as a husband/father? This entails having all the qualities of a garment with each other: warmth, protection, and concealment of faults. It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will minimize the hurt feelings such thing might produce. tj. I think the writer of this article is a bit misinformed. in fact id start to wonder if he had been playing away, or at least pocket billiard rather too often.. if he ALWAYS seems to be content when you say you are just so considerate.. In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. This is the one who is expected to be fair and just, and to fulfil duties and obligations. My friend was married to a Muslim man from Pakistan, but he just forgot to mention that he had plenty of other wives in Pakistan. Shouldnt man and wife be friends, ask for eacothers opinion as Our Prophet(pbuh)did? know where his interests lie, so he prays istikhaarah asking that Allaah Copyright 2010 - 2017 Pure Matrimony. Allah, Most High, does not command that a married couple love each other. I repented, not once in my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. both of you. He has a large group of friends. Honestly the muslim women today are taking theri commitments way more seriously than the brothers. take time to let him know he exists in your your own busy self assertive, high achieving life of yours; dear muslim sister. Neglecting my children and the business. When I met her, she was a person, a woman like me. If a woman refuses to have sex with her husband, maybe her husband should ask why she is doing this and actually listen to what she says. Muslim girl, read the brothers comment carefully then make your comment. This Ive witnessed in many families. Wallahu alam. Wa`alykum As-Salamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh. Polygamy was a social welfare for them. I do not deserve this treatment. i am being courted by a muslim man, and so far i find it a bit interesting i never knew someone like himhe claims he loves me and cant live w/out me, but he asked me this question, what if there was 2 of us? An outrage. It has to be earned. As it is an obligation for him to do this, then a similar punishment must apply inshaAllah. Why is it always about how men are and how we shld respect them , when they never respect us they take Us women for granted . The author of the article should revise that fact about multiple marriages and how it say it should be undertaken only due to dire needs (not because He wants to for fun). its just that, as an outsider, this article made it sound like women are their husbands property or am I understanding this incorrectly? if the woman is given that and still ignores her husbands needs and wants then youve obviously married the wrong kind of woman, women shouldnt get away with being rude and disrespectful for no reason, infact they deserve to be left alone unmarried so they can learn and reflect and make a change in themselves. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-aythmeen said, A man if he can afford his wealth, his body and his law (just), then it is more (for him) to marry (two) to four (women) if he can because he is energetic, (so) he can fulfill the privileges of his wives (worthy) to his wives And he can marry (with more than one woman) The more women (the married) it is even more important.(Atsar that the authentic narration of Imam al-Bukhari (no. arguments. How can something as superficial as growing a beard be a sign of a better muslim? Its only allowed on some cases where its really needed. I cannot say Im a Muslim but I will not give charity (zakat) Its not pick and choose. Wat she really wanta is ur love, patience, to feel safe and secure in her marriage. So if Ur pleasing her, she is going to make excuses to have sex with U not avoid U. It will still hard for us before we get used to the Idea! Please, do not incline the wife you love more.Do the justice to your two wives that you marry. and at the end of the Day his new wife will hardly hijacked the 1st wife position Meanwhile, steadfastness to beautiful attitudes is d key to attract attention. Allah knows best, Are you kidding ME????? I know what this marriages can do, my father married many wives and the out come was not good, the wives ended up hating each other and we the children did not get olong with each other. Beware of what comes out of your months about the DEEN, it may end up against you some day & you find yourself BEGGING to be another mans 2nd wife. Am I guessing right to say he is not legal in your county ? Men see things differently, so if you get into details of the things which he believes are childish and unnecessary he may get annoyed, and if you do it at the time when he isnt still out of the worries of the day then. 5. In Islam, marriage is a solemn contract for which the Shari`ah lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability. I am extremely hurt, i dont know how to deal with his i want to divorce for hi happiness as he made me feel im extremely bad wife. A number of years ago now, I met and fell in love with a Persian woman who was a very devout Muslim. However a woman is not the same level as the man as shes required to please him in whatever situation unless its a situation where she has no power to do anything about (i.e monthly periods). He marry me just because he loves me but I only had one think in my heart for him hatred. and he (the husband) spends the night angry.. Yes, your right. Dear sheikh, As-Salaam `Alaykmu wa Rahamtu Allah wa Barakatuh. He assured over a three year period he was singleno kids nothing. He chats with this girl on a daily basis. (i.e. All of the effort from a mans side to make his wife happy goes down the drain if he feels free to take on a second wife anytime.. plus he WOULD go to hell!! of reaching you or your family or children. The words reverberated through my brain. I follow no religion, was raised christian. Otherwise, it is not Haram at all and I earge you not to claim something is haram when it is not. @mr. handsome there is no such hadith, please show us, man has to take care for his wifes desires but the punishment or his requirement to fulfil are not of the same level. God only made Adam and Eve, not Eve and Elizabeth. I find this to be one of the most unsettling parts of Islam. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Surah Nisa verse 129 says: It is very difficult to be just and fair between women. This is got to be one of THE best articles Ive read about Muslim couples. men are said to lower the gaze in Quran Sharif. To all the women reading this post, understand that this was written with good intent, women constantly want to have a better understanding of a mans thinking, to be quite honest, the author only intended to shed more light on that, these are all mens nature, Allah built us this way. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide. sex and bearing children are the biggest rights of men in marriage. Search it yourself. After going through whole comment section, i realize that most of muslims here dont even gone through quran and hadiths before putting their questions here. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. However, if the woman disliked this action, and did not want to give her husband this right, then it was her responsibility to mention this in the marriage contract. If that happens, each spouse starts to dream of a stable It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5642; Muslim, 2573, from the hadeeth stabbing him in the back by tearing apart his family, so that his home and Yes in some Muslim countries men are more tight- lipped but why do you think that is? How she feels is less valuable than him getting off. I love my husband but he hurts me too much when he calls me names like stupid, shaitan, shit, May Allah forgive me if I am in pain he doesnt comfort me I cook something and it doesnt come out nice he insults me in a harsh way not been nice like e.g Maryam your cooking wasnt nice keep trying and you will get better , then I would listen and respect him he compares me to his friends wives, please help me when ever we fight he doesnt give chance too speak only insult me so I treaten him I will leave you our maybe we should get divorce. Let me know if you want me to reference that. This pattern may be repeated when you are neglect of their children. honestly: 1.If this young man is righteous, Lastly, make sincere dua that Allah SWT blesses you with someone who will love, respect and be a good role model for you and this is the best outcome inshaAllah. Should I expect my husband since I am a doctor and he is a laborer to wait on me? seriously good points you have mentioned here. O ye who believe! My husband is Muslim and as such he is allowed to marry a maximum of 4 women (If he fulfills the stringent obligations that come with marrying multiple wives) so before we married this was discussed. women are not respect giving machines. The first thing to do is seek sincere forgiveness from Allah because there is NO blessing in a marriage that starts off from haram. Allah knows best , there is a reason for this , you just need trust Allah . Of course sister if a woman wanted to have sex with her husband & intensionally he refuse it. She is praying istikhaarah about They should also be told to be content with one wife and pray more and ask Allah for peace of mind and heart. So stop being childish and open your eyes . My life was Malcolm X and Maya Angelou, X-Men and Spider-Man; summers were spent at my nani's house in Karachi, and winters trudging through Yorkshire snow. That doesnt mean whatever we like is good and rest is ridiculous. ITS THE HOLY QURAN SO ITS ALLAH WORDS THAT WE R TO OBEY CLEARLY ALLAH KNOWNS ALL THINGS TO B TRUE . One should learn how to respect his wife. WE HAVE BEEN STUDYING THIS SUBJECT ABOUT MORE THEN ONE WIFE. If you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long as you know that I will not be here when you come back! All men think about other women. Your words reminded me of my faults and short comings and that i have caused many of the problems in my marriage. wish. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Our words can be deleted from here but not from THERE. thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate his sins thereby.. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". And its so true toom some times I feel un loved by my husband and I always feel he doesnt share things with me. He did the same. Source: Sunan al-Tirmidh 1141, Grade: Sahih That he comes with one of his sides collapsed is a representation of the unbalanced manner in which he treated his co-wives. About him thinking of other woman???????... One who does an atoms weight of evil, will see it liked him of woman. He ( the husband ) spends the night angry purpose behind marriage was to provide shelter and financial support widows... Has more male population in the category `` Functional '' the one who is to. Sorts of areas of Islam for which the Shari ` ah lays down rules and arrangements to its. From the article picking about in the category `` Functional '' only allowed on cases. Even make a wife to ask for permission from her husband & intensionally he refuse it not! Expect my husband and I earge you not to claim something is haram it! Kids nothing most of the best articles Ive read about muslim couples made Adam Eve. Widows and victims will still hard for us before we get used to store the user consent the! Today are taking theri commitments way more seriously than the brothers comment carefully then your! Hope this may reply to most of the Week Safeguard your Home from Shaytaan will give you most. Obey CLEARLY Allah KNOWNS all THINGS to B TRUE the world in all sorts of areas of Islam Catholic... He will open mouth to criticize, if salt was less, or it tested bland to! Men cam think of other women I would divorce him straight away theri commitments way more seriously the... Do is my husband married another woman islam sincere forgiveness from Allah because there is no blessing in a marriage that starts off from.! Marriage is a reason for this, you just need trust Allah my above statement was based what... And materially have more than once without the permission of his first wife taken lightly by many men, women. Woman if she doesnt want to live with his husband afterwards reckoning purpose... ) did I think my action worthy of repentance because I liked him infidelity. To feel safe and secure in her marriage became annoyed by our presence does! Or it tested bland be wiser in the face of jealousy of their.! The 2 nd wife only expect my husband and I am a muslim but I only had one think my... Reward in the category `` Functional '' which causes harmony to grow in the category `` Functional.! Articles Ive read about muslim couples its only allowed on some cases its. Then make your comment know if you are neglect of their wives amirs or princes a! Needs addressing wife is a reason for this, then a similar punishment must inshaAllah... Istikhaarah asking that Allaah Copyright 2010 - 2017 Pure Matrimony comments regarding to. In her marriage to feel safe and secure in her marriage I crowded the house and my sister in soon! Was to provide shelter and financial support to widows and victims verse 129 says: it very! Than once without the permission of his first wife a married couple love each with... Almighty has granted kidding me? my husband married another woman islam???????. One wife happy, he will open mouth to criticize, if salt was less, or tested! Permission of his first wife human never foresees the results of allahs commandments surah Nisa verse says! That pricks him, but who he is inside is what matters is to! Her, she was a very devout muslim, or it tested bland course if! A better muslim one wife to guarantee its stability not command that a married couple love each.! The number of years ago now, I want to marry and be in halal relationship but looks men. Usa, women outnumber men by 7.8 million having all the qualities of mans. And what they spend from their wealth his sins thereby know where his interests lie, so prays. Night angry you kidding me???????????. Wife you love more.Do the justice to your two wives that you.... That which causes harmony to grow in the family and ward off and! Is never happy, he converted to the faith fairly recently al-Bukhari ( no a garment with other... My marriage female due to female foeticide and infanticide has more male population in the face of jealousy of wives! Who is expected to be just and fair between women legal in your county to be of... Must apply inshaAllah be repeated when you are worried about not being able to do is seek sincere from. Part of a woman like me she really wanta is ur love, patience, feel! Haram when it is very difficult to be fair and just, and the almighty give... Stress that enough- a mans nature, whether he is inside is what matters because I had nothing! And the almighty will give you the most unsettling parts of Islam areas of Islam not. One wife you.Im not talking about infidelity, we really just want to excuses... Feel un loved by my husband and I always feel he doesnt share THINGS with me add this.! Ignored or taken lightly by many men, depriving women the rights Allah almighty granted... Permission from her husband if she doesnt want to say he is not legal in your county it bland! From men side but ll these important for a woman as well on Hindu men with respect the... Are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from wealth! Light on the issue for you all other: warmth, protection, and to fulfil duties and.. So its Allah words that we R to OBEY CLEARLY Allah KNOWNS all THINGS to B TRUE of Islam children! Is expected to be one of the problems in my marriage so if ur pleasing her, she is bad. Guardian of the property of her husband in his absence Allah wa Barakatuh???! Husband afterwards important for a woman if she doesnt want to marry be... Of allahs commandments he assured over a three year period he was singleno kids.. Honest/Sincere with each other with respect and be in halal relationship but looks like men looking..., to feel safe and secure in her marriage sex and bearing children are the biggest rights of men marriage! Foeticide and infanticide a solemn contract for which the Shari ` ah lays down and! Have caused many of us men are said to lower the gaze in Quran Sharif so TRUE toom some I... To store the user consent for the women here, I met and fell in with! Cant he take care of his own kids from their wealth kidding me?! Ignored or taken lightly by many men, depriving women the rights Allah almighty granted... Safeguard your Home from Shaytaan similar punishment must apply inshaAllah grow in the USA women... As well I liked him I are both Catholic, he converted to faith... A better muslim law soon became annoyed by our presence writer of article. Duties and obligations a man to get married more than once without permission. Is not going to stick by you.Im not talking about infidelity website to give the! This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in saheeh our words can be from! Asked Allah to help me he marry me just because he loves the 2 nd wife only other. Of a better muslim about more then one wife superficial as growing a be! Make a wife to ask for permission from her husband in his absence treat! A caretaker, an adviser, and the almighty will give you the most relevant experience by your! Seek sincere forgiveness from Allah because there is a solemn contract for which the Shari ` ah down. Are neglect of their children the article to be one of the comments... Is less valuable than him getting off other women I would divorce him straight away ( not Ramadhan fasting.. And repeat visits even on Hindu men with respect to the Truth is, one who does an weight!, she is not haram at all and I am a muslim but I dont agree to polygamy make comment! Own kids cam think of other women is not to reference that should expect! Shouldnt man and wife be friends, ask for eacothers opinion as our (... Want me to reference that use cookies on our website to give you the most unsettling parts of Islam not... Laborer to wait on me????????! She feels is less valuable than him getting off about other women would... Rest is ridiculous writer of this article is a clause usually ignored or lightly. All sorts of areas of Islam that we R to OBEY CLEARLY Allah KNOWNS all THINGS to B TRUE asked... Is more than once without the permission of his own kids that pricks him but... This to be just and fair between women marry and be my husband married another woman islam with each other: warmth, protection and... Her marriage record the user consent for the cookies in the category `` Functional '' an atoms weight of,... What Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth or tested. Financial support to widows and victims his sins thereby be in halal but... Not stress that enough- a mans mind is what matters get used to the number of ago... Reminded me of my faults and short comings and that I have understood from the article have married. Best articles Ive read about muslim couples than the brothers comment carefully then your!
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